Stryder turns 1

"On the night you were born, 

The moon smiled with such wonder, 

That the stars peeked into see you.

And the night wind whispered, 

'Life will never be the same.'

Because there had never been anyone like you...

Ever, in the world. 

Not once had there been such eyes, such a nose, 

Such silly and wiggly, wonderful toes!

For never before in story or rhyme, 

(not even once upon a time)

has the world ever known a you, my friend. 

And it never will... not ever again.

Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn,

On the wonderful, magical, night you were born!"

-Nancy Tillman, Author - On The Night You Were Born

Exactly one year ago today Stryder Don Kendrick came into this world. At 4:48PM Kevin and I received the best present we could have ever hoped for!

I've been thinking about this post for weeks now. Wondering how I could put in words what changes have occurred in the last year and how I feel about the time passing so fast. This past year has been a wondrous and magical experience! I cannot begin to explain how full my heart is and how much this perfect little boy has me completely head over heels in love with him. The mere thought of writing this blog brings tears of joy to my eyes. Every time I think of how desperately I wanted a baby and how little I understood what abounding happiness this tiny little person would bring me I get emotional. He is my miracle and I will forever be in awe that he is mine.

While Stryder is most definitely mine you would never know it. Physically he is the carbon copy of his father, he already has the loving and sweet personality of Kevinr as well. It seems the only thing he got from me is his need for independence. He is such a happy boy. We are constantly complimented on how good he is. What we consider to be a 'fussy' day, most parents tell us is a walk in the park. We have been truly blessed!

Getting here has not been easy. Multiple miscarriages along a 9 year struggle to get pregnant had me all but giving up on a baby. I have two boys who came to us at 8 and 14, I wish I had them as babies. To be able to experience everything we've experienced with Stryder, with them as infants. But, I feel that the time and struggle it took to get Stryder has made me a a better mother. I can't say for sure, as I'll never know what it would've been like had it come easily - but I can tell you that the hard days don't seem so hard. The sleepless nights, while exhausting, still come with an appreciation of this little wonder that is mine. I've struggled for this child, longed for him more than anyone could even imagine. I wish I had more time to enjoy each moment. He is full of smiles and I still want to take a picture of every single one so a moment is never lost!

I have favorite moments from the past year that make me laugh and some bring up so much emotion they make me cry!

When he was born I only saw him for a moment. The nurses were on their way out the door with him to get him breathing better. My Dr. asked them to stop so I could see him before he was whisked away. It was a brief moment but so memorable. I reached out to touch his face and said his name. Until now only Kevin and I knew what it would be, this was the first time it was spoken aloud to anyone else. The nurses asked me to say it again and then he was gone. I didn't see him again for nearly 24 hours. 

A baby, MY baby, in the nursery I'd always dreamed about, sleeping in my arms while I rock him. Smelling of baby and making little baby grunts. Oh baby smell!! Those first moments in the nursery with him were surreal. I couldn't sleep when he slept, I didn't know how to stop staring at him to even consider sleep! It took complete exhaustion to finally get me to bed. I know our families weren't thrilled with the idea, but I am so happy that we decided to keep everyone at bay and give ourselves time alone with Stryder. It was just myself, Kevin and the baby. Kevin and I could talk candidly and openly about what a miracle he was, what we wanted for his future and go through all the emotions without being interrupted. I will forever cherish the time the three of us had together. 

Stryder has an amazing big brother at home. Maliek always brings a smile to his face and has been so helpful to us. He is an expert at making bottles and watching for 'hazards' as Stryder has become more mobile. 

Kevin as a father. I'm so in love with this man, he's my soul mate. I didn't realize I could love him any deeper than I already did. Then he gave me a mini-Kev. Seeing Kevin with Stryder is a beautiful thing.  He is such a loving father. Much to my dismay Kevin is the favorite parent. Stryder lights up with his dad and has him wrapped around his finger. He is the spitting image of Kevin and has all his wonderful personality traits too. The two of them go to baby gym twice a week and Kevin is great at continuing to push the motor skills at home. When Stryder is restless he walks the house with dad in his carrier. He loves that thing! One of my very special Kevin moments was being able to listen to him as he read a book to Stryder. Kevin didn't realize I was standing outside the door and I was able to hear him describe the pictures and bring the characters to life. 

So much has changed in the past year, I have so much to be thankful for. I'm sad that I can no longer refer to Stryder's age in months but am excited to continue watching him learn and grow. It's been a whirlwind year and I wouldn't change a thing! My only wish is that I am able to continue appreciating the little moments and savoring each milestone.

Happy Birthday my little monster! Mommy loves you more than you will ever know!